This could be you!!!!!
This could be you!!!!

^ (this is me)
you might ask...


The AMAZING "Jeff Lyon" Diet!
That's right! You won't believe the results! Melt away pounds of fat and gain strength, stamina, increased energy and SEXUAL PERFORMANCE!! With Jeff Lyon's AMAZING program, these results will be yours!*
Ever wonder
why nobody likes you?




think about it and scroll down when you're ready for the answer!





Nobody likes you because you're ugly and fat. Everyone who is happy is prettier than you, and the only way you can be happy is if you stop looking like such a lard ass and start being pretty. Turn on the TV and see all the happy people on "Friends" and "Will and Grace." Notice anything? None of them are half as ugly as you are! In fact, most of them look better right when they get out of bed than you do all day! Ooh the truth hurts, fatso.

but wait!

Don't kill yourself yet! Although death and decay invariably lead to weight loss, there is still hope for you in this life! You too can be just like the people in the TV and the magazines! What's the secret to being as good looking (and thus as happy) as they are? Again, the answer is simple:

A beautiful happy person
The AMAZING "Jeff Lyon" Diet!

Just look at these UNBELIEVABLE results!**


what not to do:

hell, even his glasses got fatter


Anna Nicole Smith from Arizona says:

"I lost so much weight, so fast, that the friends I gained as I became attractive worried that I had an eating disorder. But the pamphlet said it was okay so it can't be an eating disorder. The AMAZING Jeff Lyon Diet is just THAT good!"
George Corpulo from Minnesota says:

"I didn't stick to the diet."
Lubimia Vernosa from Brobdignagia says:

"Thanks to The AMAZING Jeff Lyon Diet, I lost 70 pounds in one week! No longer am I a fat, ugly, sweaty bitch! People will fuck me again! Thank you Jeff Lyon! Hell, I'd fuck you too but you're a homo so I'll just have to masturbate to your image instead. *sigh*..."

Don't trust worthless, shitty diets like Atkins or the South Beach Diet! The AMAZING Jeff Lyon Diet is all you need to shed those pounds AND KEEP THEM OFF! Best of all, there are absolutely NO forbidden foods! You can eat whatever you want! Sounds too good to be true? It IS too good to be true, but it's still true! That's just how GOOD it is!

Order yours today! Only three easy installments of $29.95! PLUS, order within the next ten minutes and we'll throw in two 1oz bottles of Ipecac Syrup FREE. BUT WAIT! Order right now, and we'll knock one of the installments right off the price! That's right! Get The Ultimate Guide to Weight Loss, and two servings of Ipecac for two easy payments of just $29.95! Order now!
This all begs just one more question:

Without going into the kind of detail that would reveal the whole diet and make you less likely to shell out money for our guide The AMAZING Jeff Lyon Diet: The Ultimate Guide to Weight Loss, we'll cover a few basics to give you an idea of what you can expect on this amazing, life-changing diet plan. Here are some healthy living tips from the master, Jeff Lyon, himself:
  • Limit your intake of carbohydrates, fats and proteins. These are the kinds of foods that lead to weight gain.
  • Instead of three large meals a day, limit yourself to two servings of lettuce, carrots and diet pills.
  • Drink Diet Pepsi instead of water. It contains caffeine which stimulates your metabolism and burns fat.
  • It's only human to make mistakes. Unfortunately, if you slip up and overeat ONCE, you will become morbidly obese.
  • Luckily, overeating isn't a mistake if you haul ass to a toilet and puke your guts out right afterwards. Flush away the calories!
  • Smoke cigarettes. They make you skinnier.
  • Share meth needles with HIV positive gay men. Both meth and HIV have been scientifically proven to result in weight loss.
  • Stab and rape your way through crowds of senior citizens at the local nursing home. It's a good cardiovascular workout which BURNS FAT!
It's simply amazing! Let
The AMAZING "Jeff Lyon" Diet
be your one way ticket to healthy living, physical perfection, and thus ETERNAL HAPPINESS! There's no better way!***

Order now!!
Call 1-888-DIET-USA
put it on your credit card!!

* These statements are not evaluated by the FDA and are not necessarily true. Side effects of The AMAZING Jeff Lyon Diet may include tooth decay, calloused fingers, muscle cramps, weakened immune system function, swollen salivary glands, hair loss, kidney damage, electrolyte imbalance, sexual amotivation, stomach ulcers, blood pressure fluctuations, constipation, weakness, brain damage, heart palpatations, heart attack, torn esophagus, rectal bleeding, epiliptic seizure, dizziness, depression and death.

** Unbelievable results are not common and are generally unhealthy. Please consult a dietician for more information.

*** Except for a sensible daily caloric intake combined with regular cardiovascular activity at 60% or greater of your maximum heart rate. Don't give me your bullshit about being too busy to work out. If you're too busy to work out then you need to be too busy to eat all those Krispie Cremes and Big Macs, moron. Oh, I'm too busy to brush my teeth every morning. Oh, I'm too busy to wipe my ass after I shit. Boo hoo hoo. Take care of yourself, use your brain and leave your fad diets and your feeling sorry for yourself at home. Carbs are not your enemy. But its certainly convenient to blame something other than yourself for your own inadequacy, now isn't it, you lazy, sedentary asshole. God, you piss me off.